mask..

i remember being a child and always fearing the worst. i think everyone does, everyone thinks of what could happen in the very next minute that could devastate their very existence. i have acquainted myself with these ideas, with my fears. i have overcome my "faceless monsters" and given each of them a face, a name and a piece of myself. kind of like a good trade-off. i let them urinate ceasessly over my brain, and at the same time remind myself of everything that could go wrong is not necessarily scary. Scary is just a word i often use to describe a sensation i wish to avoid. what is true, is never scary...it's just sad.

however, forgive me the use of the word yet again. i am scared of some things. i am scared of seeing those i love in grief. i am scared that even though my own grief would grieve me, theirs would devastate me. i am scared that one day i will see past this very facade that i have set up in my mind that decapacitates me from being afraid. i am scared that one day i will be revealed, naked, like an autumn leaf. bare, even in all its intricacies. i am scared that through all this pretense, i will actually forget to be the person i was born to be and shed all those that love me unconditionally.